Life

I'm here chanting on a sad Pariita on a blog. On the other tab, I was also reading about the study that correlates sadness with creativity, stating like people like Van Gogh and Aristotle created one of the best innovations in all mankind.
What I want to say is, I don't know, just sad, and hopefully this writing of mine with enormous grammar errors and contents made in frivolity, I was sad. Am sad.
The only thing that is keeping me alive and now for at least one year to come is hope, and my dream of becoming an architect. Though my own conviction towards it is running lower and lower as I grow older and older, while losing trust from more and more people, even my parents and families. I mean, what is there to live for. Wanting to make this world a better place is seeming so absurd nowadays. There are tons of great people out there, I believe is and have been doing that job for centuries. Looking at me here, disrupting peace, breaking hearts, stealing, and ripping apart my family. I sometimes wish I was never born Why should I have? I bet my parents would have been much happier without me seeping money out of them and showing me making fool out of myself.
I clearly don't belong in my family, and so far as I traveled and viewed the world further than my hometown, I knew I don't belong in all of Asia. As I traveled through countries, meeting new people, but the way I behaved around them was so alienated; now I doubt I even belong in this world.
The only thing that's keeping me alive is, really, this inner character I made, serving as a brother with advises. It is indeed funny, but is it funny.
I was born alone, and was meant to die alone, but unlike most normal people, I would have lived this life alone too, if not for myself.
I don't know why they bother. I am hopeless. I am naive and helpless, but hopeless. I'm stubborn; I know nothing, and I am nobody. "Grow Up!" is the only advice I received, but I never know how, or why.
Why am I born.
But knowing myself, I wouldn't have been despaired knowing it was the rudiment of nature I was assigned to that I had little or no chance to alter at all. What does it mean. It was not me. It was the world. I have seen more than them. I don't deserve all these rejections, especially when I have tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't really matter. If life was a game, this must be the schizophrenic level, with the easiest one allows me to change my family, nationality, race, and place of origin. Now, I can only change but one thing, my boy Fish.
For now this's been my resolute solitude salute flute.

a Boy and his Parents

I longed for a family. A perfect one. Never found one. Never had it in the first place.

If only life is much smoother, it would be much less bitter to go through.

I can't express myself. I couldn't talk. I can never be free from this bubble, which only myself knew and could be in it; nobody else could.

I saw families created through love and not the kind that lasts for 5 years, but thousands eternity.

I saw families embracing the troubles of the children, and, though not totally, trying their very best to listen to the wound of their child's hearts scythed deep by the hazards of the outside world.

I saw no matter how troubled and restrained, if so, a child in his nest, and crave to be let fly away like a grown hawk, the last thing a mother would do is to evade her grief of losing a child than to understand the child's need to taste life, albeit dangerous. For a parent who loves, there's no danger in seeing the world itself when they're fully in it to watch over the journey of the child, than to make a ground rule or requirements or packs for his freedom as prized.

Parents' love is eternal. They love into the core of their souls. They love enough to lose him forever than to take away his happiness away from him. They love, or, should love their son more than they do their lives, thus the only reason they're not working is to be able to see the family together.

Having a mother who prefers to argue than to listen is just as bad as having a father who loves spending weekdays in the office with friends, and Family's Sunday afternoon doing exercise with friends, in which case this boy has both. His mother once said, in one of their arguments, "You were treating us your parents like your friends." She couldn't be much more wrong. The boy had very good and understanding friends, whom he could talk to regarding anything and without having to end up as arguments, like he did with her, like when she denied ever saying that he was treating them (my parents) like friends.

They do not talk to solve problems. Their best mediator is time. The longer it's, the less vivid an argument became, which was so faded that they did not realize it ever happened, and would not hesitate to bring it up again anytime, anywhere. A cycle that is inevitable and perpetual.

He always thought it was him who's the problem. that he was bad at communicating, or arguing. It transpired that everyone just thought that he was the problem, and that is the real problem. They would not let him talk to defend myself, let alone to bring up the bad things they ever did, would they?

He never asked to be born. They made the choice to give birth to the boy. He was hoping to be born as a fish in the ocean, or simply a painting on the wall of a museum. He didn't know how it worked. He doesn't understand whom he should trust, if the people giving him life are the ones pulling him down, giving him the promise of .family's warmth he never received.

Happy New Year 2017

Happy New Yer! Quite late, and with one pronunciation error, so far. I wished too much on last yer's New Year Resolution. This year, I want snow in the place I am living in. Other than that, please find me that one piece of my heart that was once lost during childbirth, or puberty, I don't know, but I need t be in love, sooner or later. The former will be great. With that said, I will now proclaim my 2017's Resolution. First of all, for this year, I want to stop making nonsensical or garrulous posts online that contain barely any meaningful messages.
I am planning to make this world a world with me in it. Meaning? Nothing at all. I love badminton, do you? I have many talents; in fact, too many that I lost count of the number of hours I have spent for each of every of them. The real question, however, is why I keep many hobbies, and what do I do with them. Answer is simple, I like to, and enjoy them. Simple answers, aren't them?
Anyway, the real question is, what the deuce are all these systematical rows and columns of words which are disintegrated to each other, spread in meanings or relevance like common electric charges?
What, is love anyway? And why, is there a need to stow a comma between the interrogative words and the question? First, we answer the first question. Then, second, we answer the second question. Thirdly, thoroughly fury dirtily darling duckling dancing drenching drum-star.
Talking about love; love, personal affection ("I love maternal") pleasure ("I meal the love was") to a variety of feelings, from the state, is a lot of attitude.It can refer to a feeling Strong temptation and personal attachment. [1] It is also, human goodness, is also a virtue to express compassion, love. "Voluntary and unwilling concern for the benefit of others." [2] It is also, other human beings, take care of themselves and their animals, you could describe the loving action. [3]
Non-Western traditions also features a distortion or coexistence of these conditions. Sutorijji, Philia, Eros, words such as Agape represents a unique "concept" of love. Love, especially in the religion of Abraham, you still have religious or spiritual significance. The use of the average and complexity of diversity are combined, compared to other emotional states, love will always be difficult to define in a coherent way.
The love of its various forms, plays a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships, due to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts. [5]
Love, combined with the humanity of the threat, can be understood as a function to facilitate the pursuit of the species. [6]

The above statements are made by Google Translate mechanism, through English to Japanese and French back to English.
Hope we now understand the love that travels through countries and has been meandering its way to find the one genuine priceless colossal ancient rounded red heavenly diamond beautifying piece of cor everyone once had in their momma's womb. Before their lives even began.